Bios from tinder

So after being nudged onto tinder I have found that I kind of enjoy peoples bios a lot.

Girls like this are my favourite; they make it clear that they're gay, which is handy and saves me having to guess.

I like Americans, most of the time, and I love aimlessly walking around London. Admittedly I am a crap whiskey drinker, but I have a knack for being inappropriate and I am a bit of mild nerd-ism going on.

I love foreign accents and languages I don't understand. I too, am distracted my puppies and sparkly things.

Obviously a straight girl, but I have to laugh at her humour here.

What a tease. I want to see you with the elephant.

This girl sounds like she could be fun. But I doubt she'd be fucking my friends, seeing as they are all straight. But what do I know, so is spaghetti till it's wet. And mixed with a cocktail.

Ugh. Arrogance is not sexy. At all.

And the window-shopping couples. This is the internet after all so it is to be expected. 

This creeps me out a little bit; girl has boyfriend, but wants to fuck girls, and the guy doesn't want to be involved? Maybe he is also on tinder looking for guys?

This is all very specific and complicated for me. Good luck with your search, friend.

Who doesn't love a piece of fruit singing Eighties power ballads trying to sell short-term loans with extortionate APR rates? 

So I don't like any of those things, but I have a pretty good imagination and I could learn to tolerate them. Best hope is with the wine. I cannot picture custard ever being attractive.

This girl is spot on. Sending someone an unsolicited picture of an intimate body part is nearly assault. It's offensive. Don't do it.

And there is no chance of me sending a dick pic to anyone.

This girl is awesome. Love Netflix; love dogs; love tattoos; I'm a sarcastic, cynical loner, used to be into the gym, for various reasons not been in months, but something I will get back on to. Swipe right.

I'll never like you as much as I like your dog either.

Can you not just pour a little gin into a cup of tea? What would happen. I don't like tea at all so this is not something I would ever do, but I love the idea of someone mixing booze with a fairly posh and proper drink.

I actually want to hug this girl.

In that you like being tied up, or that you just lay there?

This girl was super cute, but anyone who thinks that Usher has produced one of the best records of all time is not getting the time of day from me.

Dude, What?! Just no.

I like biting. But I am no attention seeker. This scenario is very unappealing to me. Get rid of 'your man' in exchange for 'your girl' and I might reconsider.

Sweetheart, I have had more than enough of the 'curious straight girl'. You seem to be everywhere. In fact I went on a date with one of you a few weeks back. I now make a point of avoiding anyone who describes themselves in this way.

I like getting weird, I like drinking, and I love bed. This sounds like it could be too perfect.

Irish, tattooed, pierced, noise maker. Swoon. Swipe right.

And today's winner at tinder, this girl who just wants to share the hate. My type of girl.

tinder

Sometime last week a good friend of mine, who is also someone I work with, and another work colleague got right into tinder.

Listening to them on the office was fairly amusing;

'No. No. No. Yes. No. Why's he got a girl in his pic? No. No. Headless, but he's got a nice bod. No. Yes. No. No. OMG I swiped the wrong way, how do I go back?!'

They suggested that I get in on it as well, which I ignored. From what I can tell, tinder is an app mainly aimed at one night stands designed for the heterosexual world. That was the reason I had ignored it for so long. I had no place there.

Dating apps for gay woman don't seem to exist. There is Her, but I've not really gotten along with it, and it doesn't work in the same way that tinder or Grindr does.

So on Friday night, just after enjoying a vegetable biryani, my mate convinced me to download tinder. So I sat there setting it up on my phone while we waited for the bill.

I started swiping a long, a couple left, a couple right, and in under a minute, to the amazement of my friend, and myself, I got a match.

I got home and in under an hour I managed 15 matches and had a couple of conversations on the go. I felt bad for misjudging tinder. I hadn't been expecting that many gay girls to be using it. Had I been wrong all along?

Not quiet. The girls I have been chatting too are queer ladies (phew!), and my matches seem to be a mix of gay and bi girls.

The problem with tinder, for me, is that a lot of the woman on my screen are straight woman looking for men. I suppose in a way it's not much of a big deal, if I swipe right for yes on a straight woman, the only way we are going to match is if she does the same for me, which isn't going to happen. So it is fairly harmless. But it does mean that a lot of my 'browsing' as it were, is probably a waste of time.

The other glaring issue is that despite selecting 'only woman', I still get a load of men being shown, who I obviously have no interest in.

Where my straight friends quickly make a decision to swipe whatever way they do, which is why they also keep swiping the wrong way, I have to go into peoples bios to look for clues. Some girls declare that they are gay or bi. Others don't, so I scroll through their pictures to help make my mind up.

If tinder could iron out these little bugs, it would be really good, until someone comes up with something better for the LGBT crowd.

Election Day