27 June 2015

'Not a homophobe' Homophobe

Sometimes I'm not sure what is worse; a proud homophobe, or a homophobe who doesn't realise that they are homophobic.

You know, people who start sentences 'I'm not blank, but....'

Someone I follow on twitter brought attention to someone who has some strange thoughts about homosexuality, and yet doesn't think he is homophobic at all.

Callum Wright is a freelance writer. He is also very worried about his son.


To start with, his son is under two years old, so he doesn't even understand heterosexuality yet. He knows mummy and daddy, the people who love him. He cannot tell gay people apart from straight people.

Another thing, what is with that phrase that these people keep using? They never want 'gay stuff' to be 'shoved in their faces', like we are running around and jumping in front of them and screaming at them when they are just going about their day.

I can only assume this post has come up today because today is pride. You know, that one day a year when we have a big party to celebrate the progress made, and ponder what still needs to be done. 
Several friends have put rainbows on their Facebook profile pictures, maybe his friends have done the same and this has got him riled up. Perhaps something as simple as that counts has it being 'shoved in his face'.

For many people, simply existing is 'shoving it in their faces'.


I find this post just fucking heart breaking. I mean to start with, this 'writer' has used the incorrect 'there'. That is simply unforgivable. 

This comment is exactly the kind of thing that tortures people. This is the kind of thing that keeps you closeted. This is the kind of thing that keeps you repressed. This is the kind of thing that damages your mental health. This is the kind of thing that people have killed themselves over.

I hope that Mr Wright's son grows up to be a straight man. Seriously, this guy has said that he would be disappointed if his son grows up to be gay. That is a lot of pressure to put on someone who is still a toddler. 


I had to respond to that tweet.
I don't plan on having children, but if I did, I probably wouldn't want them to be gay either, but not for the same reasons as Mr Wright.
I wouldn't want my kids to be gay partially because I don't want them to go through the same emotions that I did, and partially because people like Callum exist.
I wouldn't want my children to deal with idiots like this, who think they are being reasonable, and don't give a shit who they hurt.

Ah yes. 
'You're gay, were you molested as a child?' Of course he thinks that gayness is something that 'happens' because of 'something' that happened in childhood. 

Are they starting 'gay lessons' in school? Are schools going to start showing gay porn or something? 
What I remember learning about 'the gays' at school was that there was something wrong with it. I don't recall a single comment about homosexuality that was positive. The word 'gay' was an insult. I am nearly 30 now and I still hear hear it as an insult. I imagine school kids are much the same today. 

So Mr Wright needn't worry, chances are, with your help at home of course, your son will be molded into a mini homophobe while in the classroom and playground.


The guy seems baffled that people found his comments offensive. 
But look, he doesn't hate gay people. 
He knows his stuff, he isn't homophobic, he is clearly a fucking expert on this kind of thing.


He even provides a definition of homophobia to 'prove' he isn't homophobic. 

He doesn't want his son to be gay, but 'doesn't have an aversion to homosexuality'.
Sorry, sunshine, it doesn't work that way. You don't want your son to be gay, and by claiming that homosexuality is caused by some childhood event, just proves you know nothing about this life that you disapprove of. 

That is homophobia.


What reasons do you have then, Callum, for my desire to have sex with females?

My reason for wanting to sleep with woman is that I am attracted to them, and sex is far more enjoyable and natural for me than it ever was with men.

In fact, if people like you didn't exist, it is safe to say that I would never have slept with men because people like you that surrounded me everywhere wouldn't have made me feel like a broken human.

There is probably nothing anyone can say to change Mr Wright's mind on this, like others of a similar mindset, they believe they know best, so there is very little point arguing with them.

My concern is for his son. Mr Wright is going to raise his son to believe that there is something wrong with homosexuality, that it is not normal. If his son is heterosexual, then all that is going to do is create another man who probably shares the same views as his father.

If his son grows up, to be gay, however, then I worry for him. I can recall both of my parents, and other family members making homophobic comments, and yet it didn't stop me being gay.

Homophobia from family, in addition to what I heard at school made me hate myself, I tried to 'talk myself out of it'. As a teenager, I would have done anything to change myself. 

Not because I thought I was doing something wrong, but because I really thought that people would be disappointed in me and reject me.

So to Mr Wright's son, be yourself, let yourself have your own opinions, and good luck.



19 May 2015

Bios from tinder

So after being nudged onto tinder I have found that I kind of enjoy peoples bios a lot.



Girls like this are my favourite; they make it clear that they're gay, which is handy and saves me having to guess.


I like Americans, most of the time, and I love aimlessly walking around London. Admittedly I am a crap whiskey drinker, but I have a knack for being inappropriate and I am a bit of mild nerd-ism going on.


I love foreign accents and languages I don't understand. I too, am distracted my puppies and sparkly things.


Obviously a straight girl, but I have to laugh at her humour here.


What a tease. I want to see you with the elephant.


This girl sounds like she could be fun. But I doubt she'd be fucking my friends, seeing as they are all straight. But what do I know, so is spaghetti till it's wet. And mixed with a cocktail.


Ugh. Arrogance is not sexy. At all.


And the window-shopping couples. This is the internet after all so it is to be expected. 


This creeps me out a little bit; girl has boyfriend, but wants to fuck girls, and the guy doesn't want to be involved? Maybe he is also on tinder looking for guys?


This is all very specific and complicated for me. Good luck with your search, friend.


Who doesn't love a piece of fruit singing Eighties power ballads trying to sell short-term loans with extortionate APR rates? 


So I don't like any of those things, but I have a pretty good imagination and I could learn to tolerate them. Best hope is with the wine. I cannot picture custard ever being attractive.


This girl is spot on. Sending someone an unsolicited picture of an intimate body part is nearly assault. It's offensive. Don't do it.

And there is no chance of me sending a dick pic to anyone.


This girl is awesome. Love Netflix; love dogs; love tattoos; I'm a sarcastic, cynical loner, used to be into the gym, for various reasons not been in months, but something I will get back on to. Swipe right.


I'll never like you as much as I like your dog either.


Can you not just pour a little gin into a cup of tea? What would happen. I don't like tea at all so this is not something I would ever do, but I love the idea of someone mixing booze with a fairly posh and proper drink.


I actually want to hug this girl.


In that you like being tied up, or that you just lay there?


This girl was super cute, but anyone who thinks that Usher has produced one of the best records of all time is not getting the time of day from me.


Dude, What?! Just no.


I like biting. But I am no attention seeker. This scenario is very unappealing to me. Get rid of 'your man' in exchange for 'your girl' and I might reconsider.


Sweetheart, I have had more than enough of the 'curious straight girl'. You seem to be everywhere. In fact I went on a date with one of you a few weeks back. I now make a point of avoiding anyone who describes themselves in this way.


I like getting weird, I like drinking, and I love bed. This sounds like it could be too perfect.


Irish, tattooed, pierced, noise maker. Swoon. Swipe right.


And today's winner at tinder, this girl who just wants to share the hate. My type of girl.

17 May 2015

tinder

Sometime last week a good friend of mine, who is also someone I work with, and another work colleague got right into tinder.

Listening to them on the office was fairly amusing;

'No. No. No. Yes. No. Why's he got a girl in his pic? No. No. Headless, but he's got a nice bod. No. Yes. No. No. OMG I swiped the wrong way, how do I go back?!'

They suggested that I get in on it as well, which I ignored. From what I can tell, tinder is an app mainly aimed at one night stands designed for the heterosexual world. That was the reason I had ignored it for so long. I had no place there.

Dating apps for gay woman don't seem to exist. There is Her, but I've not really gotten along with it, and it doesn't work in the same way that tinder or Grindr does.

So on Friday night, just after enjoying a vegetable biryani, my mate convinced me to download tinder. So I sat there setting it up on my phone while we waited for the bill.

I started swiping a long, a couple left, a couple right, and in under a minute, to the amazement of my friend, and myself, I got a match.

I got home and in under an hour I managed 15 matches and had a couple of conversations on the go. I felt bad for misjudging tinder. I hadn't been expecting that many gay girls to be using it. Had I been wrong all along?




Not quiet. The girls I have been chatting too are queer ladies (phew!), and my matches seem to be a mix of gay and bi girls.

The problem with tinder, for me, is that a lot of the woman on my screen are straight woman looking for men. I suppose in a way it's not much of a big deal, if I swipe right for yes on a straight woman, the only way we are going to match is if she does the same for me, which isn't going to happen. So it is fairly harmless. But it does mean that a lot of my 'browsing' as it were, is probably a waste of time.



The other glaring issue is that despite selecting 'only woman', I still get a load of men being shown, who I obviously have no interest in.

Where my straight friends quickly make a decision to swipe whatever way they do, which is why they also keep swiping the wrong way, I have to go into peoples bios to look for clues. Some girls declare that they are gay or bi. Others don't, so I scroll through their pictures to help make my mind up.

If tinder could iron out these little bugs, it would be really good, until someone comes up with something better for the LGBT crowd.

7 December 2014

Hand Injuries

I'm a bit injury prone. That's a nicer way to say that I am clumsy.

On Friday I burnt my hand by accidentally pouring boiling water on it.

And it hurts. A lot.

Being a queer lady, hand injuries are a bit of a nightmare, luckily I seem to do all the damage to my left hand, and I am predominately right handed.

So, phew.

But in the last few years I have stabbed myself in a finger with a letter opener, broken a couple of fingers, lost a bit of a fingertip, and now suffered a burn across my knuckles.

All on my left hand.

Maybe I should mention that I also suffer from carpel-tunnel syndrome in both hands and require surgery.
I also occasionally suffer from TMJ, something I originally confused with wisdom tooth problems.

A few weeks ago I suffered an allergic reaction to something which caused my lower lip and tongue to become swollen.

It's like some homosexual god is having a laugh at me.

9 July 2014

Getting to know you

1. What is your star sign: Leo

2. How old are you: 28

3. Gender: Female

4. What is your earliest memory: Visiting my new baby brother

5. What is your favourite alcoholic drink: Pernod and black

6. What is your favourite vegetable: Carrots

7. Do you remember your first day at school: Vaguely 

8. What is your sexuality: Gay

9. How tall are you: 5 ft 6 ish

10. Can you swim: Badly

11. Who is your favourite movie actress: Meryl Streep

12. Who is your favourite movie actor: Kevin Bacon

13. Who is your favourite comedian: Dara O'Briain

14. Who is your favourite politician: Barack Obama

15. Who is your favourite historical figure (been dead for at least 100 years): Julius Caesar

16. If you could be a famous person for the day, who would you be: Tina Fey

17. If you were someone else, would you be friends with you: Yeah probably

18. Morning or night: Night

19. Who is your favourite mythological god or goddess: Eros

20. Who is your favourite woman of all time: My mum

21. Who is your favourite man of all time: My brother

22. What is your favourite cereal: Weetabix

23. Is there someone you will never get over: No

24. Do you have tattoos: Yes, 8 so far

25. Do you prefer Facebook or Twitter: Facebook

26. iPhone or Android: iPhone

27. Have you ever had surgery: Yes

28. How many siblings do you have: 1

29. Have you ever been in love: Yes

30. Who are your favourite fictional characters: 'Scout' / Liz Lemon / Dexter Morgan

31. What is the worst movie you have ever seen: Meet The Spartans

32. What is the worst TV show you have ever seen: Any reality show

33. What is the worst book you have ever read: I once read the first 50 Shades book. Don't judge me

34. What is the worst song you have ever heard: Anything by Bieber

35. What is the worst sport you know of: I don't get cricket

36. Who is the worst movie "star" ever: Mel Gibson

37. Who is the worst comedian ever: Micky Flanagan is not funny

38. What is the worst joke you have ever heard: All 'yo mama' jokes

39. Who is the worst musical act ever: One Direction

40. Who is the worst sports "star": John Terry

41. If you could go back in time to witness an historical event in person, what event would you want to see: The Trojan Horse showing up in Troy

42. If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you go: Brazil

43. If you could meet anyone in the world, who would you meet: Stephen Fry

44. If you could become famous for one thing, what would that thing be: Photography

45. If you could buy anything regardless of cost, what would you buy: An apartment in Manhattan

46. If you could change any one thing about your country, what would it be: The weather

47. If you could change any one thing about international politics, what would it be: God that is a loaded question...

48. If you could meet any famous person who is dead, who would it be: Freddie Mercury

49. If you could become dictator of the world, would you: No

50. What is your favourite TV show: Dexter / 30 Rock

51. Have you ever illegally downloaded music/TV shows/movies from the net: Is this a trick?

52. Have you ever used illegal narcotics (yes, even pot counts if it was illegal at the time): Yes

53. Have you ever gotten any points on your driving license: No

54. Have you ever stolen anything from a shop: No

55. Have you ever bought alcohol or cigarettes while underage: Yes

56. Have you ever bought alcohol or cigarettes for another person who was underage: Yes

57. Have you ever tried to cheat the taxman/social security/other government agency: Another trick?!

58. Have you ever ridden on a train or bus without paying: Yes

59. Have you ever been arrested: No

60. Have you ever been charged with a crime: No

61. What's the furthest you've ever been from home: Orlando, Florida

62. Where have you visited that you would like to go back to: NYC and Rome

63. Where would you like to visit that you haven't yet: Everywhere

64. Where is your favourite place in the world: The Colosseum 

65. Where have you visited that you hope never to go to again: Sheffield

66. Where would you definitely never go to: Anywhere where homosexuality is illegal

67. Where is your least favourite place in the world: All train stations

68. What is your favourite way to travel: Plane, cause it means I'm going far away

69. What is your least favourite way to travel: Train

70. Have you left the country without anyone knowing: No

71. What was the last movie you saw: Tammy

72. Was it any good: It was okay

73. What was the last book you read: Rob Delaney's 'Mother. Wife. Sister. Human. Worrier. Falcon. Yardstick. Turban. Cabbage.'

74. Was it any good: Yes

75. What was the last song you listened to: Foals' 'Spanish Sahara'

76. Was it any good: Yes

77. What was the last computer game you played: Don't play them

78. Did you do well: N/A

79. What was the last meal you ate: Grilled chicken

80. Was it any good: Yes

81. Do you believe in God/Goddess/Gods/Goddesses: No

82. Do you agree with the war in Iraq: No

83. Do you believe in aliens: No

84. Do you agree with the theory of evolution: Yes

85. Do you believe in reincarnation: Kinda

86. Do you agree with the idea of the UN? United Nations (UN): Yes

87. Do you believe in karma: Yes

88. Do you agree with the theories of man-induced global warming: Yes

89. Do you believe in democracy above all other systems of government: Yes

90. Who is your favourite band: Pink Floyd / Arcade Fire

91. What is your favourite movie: The Shawshank Redemption

92. What is your favourite book: To Kill A Mockingbird / The World According to Garp / Running with Scissors / Lord of the Flies / Slaughterhouse-Five

93. What is your favourite song: Pink Floyd's 'Wish You Were Here'

94. What is your favourite city: Rome

95. What is your favourite sport: Football or rugby

96. What is your favourite thing in the world: Laughter

97. Are you glad these questions are almost over: Yes

98. What are you going to do next: Sleep

99. Do you anticipate this activity being fun: No

100. Give us a quote to end on...: 'Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt.'