Small Battles

Earlier in the week, I was invited out to bingo and for Nando's with what I thought, was a couple of friends.

I agreed, even though I expected some form of panic to proceed the evening. I was not wrong.
Sure enough, as I was getting ready, I in fact did have a panic attack.

I managed to get myself together, and made my way the bingo hall. I got there early, so decided to go in and get a table, and messaged my friends to say where I was sitting.

The response I got was to try and get another table as there was nine of them.

Nine.

I was expecting three people, not nine. I immediately started to try and think of a way I could just go home. 

I stayed put. But I was not at ease at all. I felt myself get light-headed, and was aware of my increasing heart rate through the evening.

Somehow, I managed myself through the whole night, without having a further panic attack.

This is progress. I was proud of this minor achievement. So I shared my feelings on Facebook.

I typed this and debated whether or not I should post it. It was gone one in the morning, so I decided to post it, and I could always delete it.

I then went to sleep. When I woke up, I didn't goo straight on Facebook, but when I did, I was surprised at what I saw.

Messages of support. Public and private ones. I had been worried about sharing a bit too much, no one had known how bad this problem had gotten.

I feel lighter for it, and I feel like there might be light at the end of the tunnel.