Speed Dating

The idea of speed-dating comes up every now and then. After being single for a while everyone starts thinking of ways to get 'back in the game' and someone will always mention speed-dating with a giggle and we'll all laugh it off.

Last week I was walking through the Old Town when I saw a board outside a cafe that advertised speed-dating the following Friday.

A friend and I discussed it, had a laugh, then just left it at that. At some point during the week, what started as a laugh, became a plan; we added a colleague, rang the cafe and booked ourselves in for the event.

None of us had been before, so had no clue what to expect from the evening.

I also couldn't decide how I was going to go about the evening; I was about to have a serious of short dates with guys. Do I tell them I'm gay?

I decided that I would just go with it, everyone is up for a chat, if it comes up, it comes up, I didn't want to accidentally lead anyone on, but I didn't want to distance myself either.

I'm a naturally shy person, so I needed to go into this with some liquid courage. Not having a lot on money to waste, I did a work-time, lunch-time dash to buy some cheap booze from town, which was a great idea.

A less great idea was drinking most of it, plus the frozen cocktail already in my freezer, in such a short space of time. By the time I arrived at the venue, I was actually reasonably drunk.

Luckily for me, I am not an obvious, slurry, messy drunk, so it wasn't overly noticeable. It did give me that little boost that makes me extra chatty, which helped me through the evening.

The evening started with us getting our name-labels and sheet of paper for us to write the guys names down and what we thought of them. While waiting for everyone to turn up, we drank in the garden and mingled with each other a little bit.

The it was time to go inside and get the evening started.

I enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would. A few of the guys were super nice, and people I'd actually like to go drinking with. Not that that was the point of the evening.

In the end I think I only told a couple of the guys that I was gay, and here as support to a friend, and also to try something new. None of them had a bad response to it, but one of them made a couple of comments that I didn't think were particularly nice to make to someone you have just met. He said something about me fancying all the girls there, and then another thing about people 'thinking/knowing' they're gay if they have never slept with a member of the opposite sex.

Eye-roll. Face-palm. Head-desk.

Obvious answers to those comments, but he was my last date of the evening and I brushed it off, eager to get to my friends, and he clearly wasn't interested in me anyway, and wanted to go find his mate.

So the final bell went, we filled in the rest of our sheets and got ourselves another drink and went back to the patio.

I actually wish I had taken a photo of my piece of paper; I had filled it all in nicely, but indicated that I didn't wish to date anyone (obviously) so at the bottom I wrote that I was gay, but had a lovely evening anyway, and drew a little smiley face.

By this point, everyone seemed to be getting on well and enjoying themselves, so plans were made to go to a bar a short walk away. This is where the evening started sliding downhill a little bit. The bar was very loud, so it was hard to have conversations with anyone, and as more alcohol was added, a couple of people might have started grating on each other.

One of the girls I went with had left a little earlier, so me and my other friend decided to go and get a curry as neither of us had eaten all day, something I needed, still being somewhat drunk.

The cafe that hosted the evening shut fairly early, which is why we went to another bar, I think for future events they should maybe stay open a little later, because I think everyone was happier and more comfortable having a drink on their patio instead of yelling over loud music.

It is something I would do again. We were talking with one of the girls who ran the event and their plans going forward, they are going to alternate months with different age ranges, which is a great idea. I should have suggested they run a LGBT themed speed-dating event, I'm not sure how popular and successful it would be around here, but I would go to one.

I think I might email them and see what they think.

One other thought I had, the vain, ego-boosting part of me wants to know if anyone put me down as a match, sadly, I'm not going to be able to find out.

WTF

Not only do I have a giggle at tinder bios, but some of the photos too, some of them are amusing.

Some of them are pretty random.

Who knew that moles had an internet dating need?
Some of them make you actually go WTF.

And some of them are actually, pretty frightening.

tinder Bio's

I might have said I have become a little bored with tinder, but that might have been a little lie. I might have finally had a little luck and went on a date. Doubt it will go any further than a couple of no strings dates, but it gave me a bit of a boost.

So not totally giving up on tinder yet.

Witty, but sadly, obviously straight.

I think everyone can relate to this girl. This is the kind of person you keep in your phone for a booty call. 

I was with you on the egos and liquor, just can't get with the penis though.

This is only funny to my friends and I, I just can't explain it.

Another dude comes along right on time and reminds me how glad I am that I am a lesbian.

Be my friend?

*Changing my bio to say this instead*

Lesbian? Yes. Theatre? Yes. Netflix? Yes. Onsies? Yes. In fact, marry me?

I imagine that this guy things he is being smooth. He just comes across as being a bit creepy and kind of a sleaze. Also, if you feel the need to mention you are 'fantastic' at something, then I am pretty sure you have no idea what you are doing.

Emoji translation: likes food, football, music, drink, going on holiday and is queer. All good things to me.

I can relate to this one. I have selected that I am interested in only woman, yet I keep getting guys pop up far to often. 

It doesn't matter how many you shove in my face, tinder, I'm still gay as hell.

You've not met my mother, you have your work cut out for you.

You're tall enough, don't make yourself taller!

I appreciate the honesty here, I bet a lot of people do this.

*Also adding this to my bio*

I hate when people don't use the correct spellings of words. I feel I need to hand out a spelling/grammar/general knowledge quiz when I want to date someone.

Out of tinder

I'm kind of board of tinder now, I still go on to have a look, but the novelty is wearing off

50 matches, pretty much talking to nobody though. There is one girl I have been talking to for ages who I actually would like to meet, but it doesn't seem like its going to happen for whatever reason.

I also ran out of matches.

Didn't know that this was something that could happen. I ran out of tinder.

More tinder Bios

I've had some more fun looking through tinder bios.

Me too.

Beards are for men only. And for closeted celebrities.

I kind of want to put this in my bio. Thumbs up.

I like this person. Intelligence is very sexy. As is a cheeky grin.

A girl after my own heart, someone who enjoys meal times.

Huh. I thought tinder was a hook up site, apparently someone is trying to make it into some sort of job search site. Good luck with that.

I kind of assumed that people who met on tinder and got into a relationship already had an agreement with each other on coming up with some cute story about how they met.

Trying to think of a better line that that one.

Emoji game is strong with this one.

I want to learn more about exploding dogs. I also want to learn Alphabet Aerobics. I am picturing some sort of 'knock-off' version of Yoga.

That is a glowing recommendation, I mean, who knows a person better than their bed? I have actually been talking to this girl and she is very nice so I am hoping to find out if this is in fact true.

Love the clever word combo, but cannot get with the thought of a messy bedroom.

Another fussy, couple out shopping. Really, tinder is like some sort of swinging club.

Someone else talking about giraffes. And this is actually a decent question, we should get together and discuss the answer.

Swiping right all day long for this girl. 

Same with this girl. Girls, coke and football. We could all have a great time together.

'Not a homophobe' Homophobe

Sometimes I'm not sure what is worse; a proud homophobe, or a homophobe who doesn't realise that they are homophobic.

You know, people who start sentences 'I'm not blank, but....'

Someone I follow on twitter brought attention to someone who has some strange thoughts about homosexuality, and yet doesn't think he is homophobic at all.

Callum Wright is a freelance writer. He is also very worried about his son.

To start with, his son is under two years old, so he doesn't even understand heterosexuality yet. He knows mummy and daddy, the people who love him. He cannot tell gay people apart from straight people.

Another thing, what is with that phrase that these people keep using? They never want 'gay stuff' to be 'shoved in their faces', like we are running around and jumping in front of them and screaming at them when they are just going about their day.

I can only assume this post has come up today because today is pride. You know, that one day a year when we have a big party to celebrate the progress made, and ponder what still needs to be done. 

Several friends have put rainbows on their Facebook profile pictures, maybe his friends have done the same and this has got him riled up. Perhaps something as simple as that counts has it being 'shoved in his face'.

For many people, simply existing is 'shoving it in their faces'.

I find this post just fucking heart breaking. I mean to start with, this 'writer' has used the incorrect 'there'. That is simply unforgivable. 

This comment is exactly the kind of thing that tortures people. This is the kind of thing that keeps you closeted. This is the kind of thing that keeps you repressed. This is the kind of thing that damages your mental health. This is the kind of thing that people have killed themselves over.

I hope that Mr Wright's son grows up to be a straight man. Seriously, this guy has said that he would be disappointed if his son grows up to be gay. That is a lot of pressure to put on someone who is still a toddler. 

I had to respond to that tweet.

I don't plan on having children, but if I did, I probably wouldn't want them to be gay either, but not for the same reasons as Mr Wright.

I wouldn't want my kids to be gay partially because I don't want them to go through the same emotions that I did, and partially because people like Callum exist.

I wouldn't want my children to deal with idiots like this, who think they are being reasonable, and don't give a shit who they hurt.

Ah yes. 

'You're gay, were you molested as a child?' Of course he thinks that gayness is something that 'happens' because of 'something' that happened in childhood. 

Are they starting 'gay lessons' in school? Are schools going to start showing gay porn or something? 

What I remember learning about 'the gays' at school was that there was something wrong with it. I don't recall a single comment about homosexuality that was positive. The word 'gay' was an insult. I am nearly 30 now and I still hear hear it as an insult. I imagine school kids are much the same today. 

So Mr Wright needn't worry, chances are, with your help at home of course, your son will be molded into a mini homophobe while in the classroom and playground.

The guy seems baffled that people found his comments offensive. 

But look, he doesn't hate gay people. 

He knows his stuff, he isn't homophobic, he is clearly a fucking expert on this kind of thing.

He even provides a definition of homophobia to 'prove' he isn't homophobic. 

He doesn't want his son to be gay, but 'doesn't have an aversion to homosexuality'.

Sorry, sunshine, it doesn't work that way. You don't want your son to be gay, and by claiming that homosexuality is caused by some childhood event, just proves you know nothing about this life that you disapprove of. 

That is homophobia.

What reasons do you have then, Callum, for my desire to have sex with females?

My reason for wanting to sleep with woman is that I am attracted to them, and sex is far more enjoyable and natural for me than it ever was with men.

In fact, if people like you didn't exist, it is safe to say that I would never have slept with men because people like you that surrounded me everywhere wouldn't have made me feel like a broken human.

There is probably nothing anyone can say to change Mr Wright's mind on this, like others of a similar mindset, they believe they know best, so there is very little point arguing with them.

My concern is for his son. Mr Wright is going to raise his son to believe that there is something wrong with homosexuality, that it is not normal. If his son is heterosexual, then all that is going to do is create another man who probably shares the same views as his father.

If his son grows up, to be gay, however, then I worry for him. I can recall both of my parents, and other family members making homophobic comments, and yet it didn't stop me being gay.

Homophobia from family, in addition to what I heard at school made me hate myself, I tried to 'talk myself out of it'. As a teenager, I would have done anything to change myself. 

Not because I thought I was doing something wrong, but because I really thought that people would be disappointed in me and reject me.

So to Mr Wright's son, be yourself, let yourself have your own opinions, and good luck.

Bios from tinder

So after being nudged onto tinder I have found that I kind of enjoy peoples bios a lot.

Girls like this are my favourite; they make it clear that they're gay, which is handy and saves me having to guess.

I like Americans, most of the time, and I love aimlessly walking around London. Admittedly I am a crap whiskey drinker, but I have a knack for being inappropriate and I am a bit of mild nerd-ism going on.

I love foreign accents and languages I don't understand. I too, am distracted my puppies and sparkly things.

Obviously a straight girl, but I have to laugh at her humour here.

What a tease. I want to see you with the elephant.

This girl sounds like she could be fun. But I doubt she'd be fucking my friends, seeing as they are all straight. But what do I know, so is spaghetti till it's wet. And mixed with a cocktail.

Ugh. Arrogance is not sexy. At all.

And the window-shopping couples. This is the internet after all so it is to be expected. 

This creeps me out a little bit; girl has boyfriend, but wants to fuck girls, and the guy doesn't want to be involved? Maybe he is also on tinder looking for guys?

This is all very specific and complicated for me. Good luck with your search, friend.

Who doesn't love a piece of fruit singing Eighties power ballads trying to sell short-term loans with extortionate APR rates? 

So I don't like any of those things, but I have a pretty good imagination and I could learn to tolerate them. Best hope is with the wine. I cannot picture custard ever being attractive.

This girl is spot on. Sending someone an unsolicited picture of an intimate body part is nearly assault. It's offensive. Don't do it.

And there is no chance of me sending a dick pic to anyone.

This girl is awesome. Love Netflix; love dogs; love tattoos; I'm a sarcastic, cynical loner, used to be into the gym, for various reasons not been in months, but something I will get back on to. Swipe right.

I'll never like you as much as I like your dog either.

Can you not just pour a little gin into a cup of tea? What would happen. I don't like tea at all so this is not something I would ever do, but I love the idea of someone mixing booze with a fairly posh and proper drink.

I actually want to hug this girl.

In that you like being tied up, or that you just lay there?

This girl was super cute, but anyone who thinks that Usher has produced one of the best records of all time is not getting the time of day from me.

Dude, What?! Just no.

I like biting. But I am no attention seeker. This scenario is very unappealing to me. Get rid of 'your man' in exchange for 'your girl' and I might reconsider.

Sweetheart, I have had more than enough of the 'curious straight girl'. You seem to be everywhere. In fact I went on a date with one of you a few weeks back. I now make a point of avoiding anyone who describes themselves in this way.

I like getting weird, I like drinking, and I love bed. This sounds like it could be too perfect.

Irish, tattooed, pierced, noise maker. Swoon. Swipe right.

And today's winner at tinder, this girl who just wants to share the hate. My type of girl.